i woke up today morning from a dream where i was one with the universe. i saw angels flying around me and the blue sky engulfing me in its arms. i felt every emotion melting within and i was grand. i was the size of the universe. then i woke up. the size shrank. the alarm clock rang. i had to dress my daughter for school. i saw her off and then came back. i could see the lush green garden from my balcony. i thought to myself… where is the sky i saw. if that was the real size of my existence why is it that i become so small when i am alive and awake.

this world plays a game on me. it makes me smaller . my vision is blurred and i am confused. i am distracted from the bigger picture. the picture that is my true canvas. the picture i have to paint once i finish my journey here. yet the colours i am gathering on the way some times leave me hazy.


i decided to sleep again so that i can be more alive and awake:)



As I sat here in the balcony and look up at the sky I see the moon smiling at me. I stretch my hand to touch it but it quickly moves away with a jerk. A little giggle and he is behind those big black clouds. I get scared and I look away trying to find my one little star but the night is yet too dark.
The road to my house is beautiful and there are trees end to end. As I stretch to feel one green leaf it quickly engulfs itself being the giant stem. The tree as a whole looks back into my eyes and I coil beneath my own little self.
I want to be there and not here. I want to play with the moon and hang on those little leaves
Even in the sinful state I want to make love to the little seeds inside those huge trees. The dark and stormy clouds I want to fly away with them and drink the passion in the tides.
oh my god this beautiful small little universe, I want to eat from it my share , my pie
Kabirachilling life.jpg




A book by kavita


Is it important to suffer to gain deeper insights into one’s own character?

Is love a strong centripetal force that runs life.

Is it possible to evolve and move to higher dimensions of life without accepting both pleasure and pain equally?

Does the path to seek oneself lie in letting go?

These are few questions that Maya Dewan is looking answers for. Maybe somewhere we all are looking at such answers.

Life happens to us in fragments. Every phase brings a different level of understanding. It is easier to let go of grudges if someone dies but it is hard to do the same if someone walks out of our life.

How is it possible that external factors govern our happiness to such an extent that we seize to live our own lives.

Few moments of letting go, though is a journey of a woman who walks through her life struggling with various situations life throws at her face. The only resolve she has is that of never giving up.

A broken marriage, a failed relationship, demanding job and ups and downs with friends from day to day life and snapshots of soul wrenching love, it seems to be a travelogue of every woman bringing in pain, pleasure, bondage and finally liberation.

Maya Dewan represents an urban woman who is not ready to confine and settle for lesser than she deserves.

The setting of the story is in Delhi and parts of Mumbai, showcasing the complexities of various characters that entangle with each other in life. It brings out the fact that while dipping in life suddenly a moment of serendipity can bring in fresh air from whereon a restless soul learns to live and not only exist in this world.

Few moments of letting go is a story of love, lust, friendship that we cannot escape yet we need to learn to let them go when they are done with. Like one of the characters in the book says “We all have a pervert side to us, Maya, a side that we never show to anyone else.” Nothing in this world is permanent and every sensitive soul deserves few moments where it can wash itself from all the baggage, and heal in those few moments

“Residual emotions are even more dangerous than the actual ones. Just as actual hatred is less harmful than residual and latent hatred. Latent emotions have a strong ability to destroy from the inside.”

Sadly most of the people in this world never know what love is because they are stuck to one experience and carry it all their lives. They just believe in controlling the force and ruin each other in the name of love. On the contrary Love is what Mira felt for Krishna. Love is when you learn to let go of ‘I’. It is like sharing a dream. Every part of the dream is not beautiful, yet the feeling of sharing makes it lovely. When you endure pain you shed some tears. Every tear makes your heart more fertile, more receptive to the universal pain. Pain is again the language of the universe, just as much as love is. The heart that does not learn to bear pain in silence can never learn to rejoice in love. There is a language with which you connect to the universe. Love reveals itself the best in the pain it leaves behind. There is nothing that you want and can ask for but won’t get. Tears are just a cleansing mechanism so that you can make space for love again and let go

My book reviews as of now:



#Alpha Generation

How many times I have been hearing #young parents talking about pressures in dealing with kids. Sure there are. The first pint is the difference between generations. For a minute assume that all our minds have a switch. The switch is evolving constantly and suddenly as we enter 2007 the switch disappears. what comes in place is a chip. A chip designed in extremely advanced format that requires feeding data in a given format. Now we have always handled switches. Manually pressing in information as and when required. Irony is the chip does not need us to feed in data. It absorbs. That is the primary difference between all past generations and the alpha kids. The kids who are born into a digital world that absorbs information. Now at times they don’t even need this information yet they are loaded with it through all kinds of medium from all possible channels.

The challenge for parents is to modify this information. You cannot and cannot stop the intake of information even if you would want your child to keep away from certain things. At 6 year old they would know what a kiss is, what alcohol is, what probable a date is and all that stuff which you would not want them to know. they would be far more interested in all adult games much earlier and would have access to google god and facebook friend to update all required curiosity.

The idea now is not to get worried over this, but accept it. Do not sweat over the fact that they know too much. Please understand that the chip is evolved to process much more than what perhaps you did when you were there age. All we need to do is to be honest to our children. Be human. Treat them as mini adults, respect them, their interests, even their friends.  A five year old would also take offense if he is ill treated in front of his peer group. Believe that they know it much before you think they do. They understand. Respect their ability to be sharper than older generation and give them space. Be a guide.

some time back I read a quot from Khalil Gibran that said

now is the time to understand tat in literary sense. You have to be a guide to them and let them grow and see them bloom from a distance.






Open Letter to #AamirKhan from a mother

Hey #AamirKhan 

Let these bunch of morons react on Kiran’s (respect)comment. I totally want to give it to her as a mother. A mother has no religion. She has no understanding of politics. As much as she feels unsafe about her kids I do same. I love my country. I am sure she does too and so do you. Yet if my country is failing me every fuckin second day what do I do. I am scared. Yes I am scared that when my daughter grows older tomorrow and step out of the house alone will she be safe. If she argues with me about partying late night will I be able to say yes without peeing in my pants.
I am shocked that a simple comment from a mother can trigger a political debate. Why do then all those who can afford have second homes abroad. Why send your children to colleges abroad. Why bring in IB education. Please stick to one philosophy.

You talk about sending your children to army. I would also be proud to do that but I am scared. Shit scared that whether she would make it till there without losing it somewhere in the middle. How will I protect her from men groping her in a public transport, before she fuckin joins army to save the country. I want her to save herself. I am scared that if her future children fall ill she can’t step out in night to take them to an emergency. I am already scared of that shit.

Oh yeah we are intolerant, we do are. We still have to reform laws. Vow we don’t have a structured law regarding child molestation. But yes Kiran you should feel safe. So what if your children are exposed to drug peddlers, eve teasers, internet bullies, pervert relatives, cut throat competition, religious intolerance, where every culprit knows that they would go Scott free even if something happens to the child.

Yes I am scared, for I read in newspapers how little children are brutually handled and no media debates about it. Whoa ofcourse beef, kiran’s comment they are far more important.

Oh Aamir please don’t let these cowards make you a bit upset. You Kiran said the right thing. I want to move to a safer place, safer planet for my children. For me my child’s safety is above all.

That does not mean I don’t want my country to become better. I would love to work towards it. I would want my child to fight for my country but I want my country to fight for my child first. For all those little ones who don’t even know what patriotism is? I want my country to love them. Love them, protect them when they are young and I promise they will love you back.

I want bharat mata to bring them up first and then they would pay it back. I promise. I want mother India back, not a hijacked piece of land that only knows to increase TRP , debate and talk shit.

So #KiranKhan, I respect you as a mother and so does mother india, with her bleeding heart.